Sven and I went to the island for my favorite BIL and SIL's shared birthday party. It was a great party, however...
For once, I would like to get through a celebratory event at their house without being a part of some scene. That would be really, really, great.
My favorite BIL's BFF - let's call him Rick - and I both think the other person is hilarious. And, in a situation where my impression was that he and I were drunkenly thumping each other's back and agreeing we're both good people - in fact, I believe he was in the middle of telling me to take good care of my husband because Sven sure does love me (aww!) - Rick's wife threw a massive fit, and accused me of flirting with her husband.
And... I was genuinely surprised! I'm not *after* her husband?!
Upon reflection, I realize that intent doesn't necessarily translate, and sometimes what you see and what is actually happening are two different things. What gets me is that she's usually so poised and elegant, and I had rather hoped that we could be friends. But I guess that's not happening anytime soon... But maybe what I translated as poised was her being stand-off'ish towards me, and maybe she was waiting for a moment to express her dislike?
I was also surprised that anyone could feel threatened by my fat ass. I mean, I realize that my body issues have very little to do with anyone else, and I suspect that this has more to do with the way her husband behaves towards me than anything *I'm* necessarily doing or saying. And it's also the best/worst excuse in the world to say that I tend to forget that not everyone has what Sven and I have, which is a rock-solid, unwavering faith in each other. I've seen drunk women attempt to literally climb my husband like a tree. And I've seen the look on his face as they were trying, and felt nothing but than a great swell of pity for that poor, misguided woman. But Rick was giving me attention, and enjoying the attention he got in return. That's the crux of it.
I told her that I appreciated her telling me that she thought my behavior was upsetting, and that I was very sorry to have caused her emotional turmoil, and that I would do my very best to make sure it wouldn't happen again. She went straight for my jugular and told me that I already have the best husband, and why wasn't he enough for me? And that he was upset about it, too (he wasn't.) And that my favorite SIL has a problem with me too (she doesn't, I asked.)
In the end, she refused to acknowledge me or my apology, even when I tried a second time.
So. This has taken up residence in my brain, because I'm not sure how to proceed from here.
I can do my best to avoid this type of situation with Rick again, out of respect for his wife.
But, can I change behavior that is a fundamental part of my personality? Or should I try to forgive myself for apparently being That Girl?
It's been a really, really long time since I was last in this situation. I'd thankfully forgotten what it felt like.
The last shocker of the evening was that this time, I wasn't alone. I wasn't The Bitch. I had people on my side, supporting me, namely the very same people Rick's wife told me had a problem with my behavior, my husband and my favorite SIL. So I'll take that with me, and think about that as I wonder if Rick's wife will ever speak to me again, or if it's gonna be hella awkward from here on out... :p
For once, I would like to get through a celebratory event at their house without being a part of some scene. That would be really, really, great.
My favorite BIL's BFF - let's call him Rick - and I both think the other person is hilarious. And, in a situation where my impression was that he and I were drunkenly thumping each other's back and agreeing we're both good people - in fact, I believe he was in the middle of telling me to take good care of my husband because Sven sure does love me (aww!) - Rick's wife threw a massive fit, and accused me of flirting with her husband.
And... I was genuinely surprised! I'm not *after* her husband?!
Upon reflection, I realize that intent doesn't necessarily translate, and sometimes what you see and what is actually happening are two different things. What gets me is that she's usually so poised and elegant, and I had rather hoped that we could be friends. But I guess that's not happening anytime soon... But maybe what I translated as poised was her being stand-off'ish towards me, and maybe she was waiting for a moment to express her dislike?
I was also surprised that anyone could feel threatened by my fat ass. I mean, I realize that my body issues have very little to do with anyone else, and I suspect that this has more to do with the way her husband behaves towards me than anything *I'm* necessarily doing or saying. And it's also the best/worst excuse in the world to say that I tend to forget that not everyone has what Sven and I have, which is a rock-solid, unwavering faith in each other. I've seen drunk women attempt to literally climb my husband like a tree. And I've seen the look on his face as they were trying, and felt nothing but than a great swell of pity for that poor, misguided woman. But Rick was giving me attention, and enjoying the attention he got in return. That's the crux of it.
I told her that I appreciated her telling me that she thought my behavior was upsetting, and that I was very sorry to have caused her emotional turmoil, and that I would do my very best to make sure it wouldn't happen again. She went straight for my jugular and told me that I already have the best husband, and why wasn't he enough for me? And that he was upset about it, too (he wasn't.) And that my favorite SIL has a problem with me too (she doesn't, I asked.)
In the end, she refused to acknowledge me or my apology, even when I tried a second time.
So. This has taken up residence in my brain, because I'm not sure how to proceed from here.
I can do my best to avoid this type of situation with Rick again, out of respect for his wife.
But, can I change behavior that is a fundamental part of my personality? Or should I try to forgive myself for apparently being That Girl?
It's been a really, really long time since I was last in this situation. I'd thankfully forgotten what it felt like.
The last shocker of the evening was that this time, I wasn't alone. I wasn't The Bitch. I had people on my side, supporting me, namely the very same people Rick's wife told me had a problem with my behavior, my husband and my favorite SIL. So I'll take that with me, and think about that as I wonder if Rick's wife will ever speak to me again, or if it's gonna be hella awkward from here on out... :p